Say Anything

My first and most memorable experience with the English language started with two words, "Say yes." I was in second grade and it was my first day in class. The teacher assigned a helper student to me who was coincidentally and conveniently Chinese. There was only one problem, she was born in America. Her grasp of my native tongue was as good as my English on the first day of school.

Scene: (Teacher is conducting roll call. I observe the ritual and soon catch on what is happening. I notice each student replies with the same response.)
Teacher: Mary Kay Ash?
Mary Kay Ash: Yes.
Teacher: Johnny Blake?
Johnny Blake: Yes.
Teacher: Poll Lee Chung?
Me: ( I knew what I was supposed to say, but I hesitated and looked over to helper girl)
Helper girl: Say, 'Yes.'
Me: (For a split second I thought, shouldn't it just be 'Yes'? Why did she add that extra bit in the front? Is it because I'm new? Despite my better judgment, I proceeded with...) Say Yes.

The classroom erupts in laughter, including helper girl who is giggling. I sit there confounded. Then helper girl explains to me, in her broken Chinese, I did not need the 'Say' prefix. I knew it! But why did I hesitate and rely on helper girl?

I wonder if I filter myself too much rather than say and do what my gut says is right. In the roll call instance, I would've been less of an ESL imbecile had I just said what I thought was right. I wonder how my life would be if I just said what and how I felt, when I felt it. I'm pretty good at constructing what I want to say in my head, but my judgement says revise, edit, and revise. So often only silence results. I am tempted to conduct a Jim Carey movie experiment. Although, recent recollection of thinking outloud almost got my arse kicked in a Las Vegas bathroom by a group of bigger and more drunk women. (Damn the non-sound proof stalls and thank God for them.)

Am I brave enough to face the consequences of saying what's on my mind? Would it lead to professional and personal ruin? What if I come up with a medical condition like a friend did when he couldn't remember things? He called it CRS (Can't Remember Sh*t). So I if I named my condition, it would be ASS (Always Says Shit). Hmm...not convincing. Tourrette's would be too easy. Maybe I should just stick to "English is my Second Language" and a smile. =)



Acknowlegements: I have my coworker, my not so better judgement, tedious report, dead iPod to thank for this post. They were the reasons I had a large flat white in the afternoon, and now I can't go to sleep.