I'm Officially Bored (and Expressionless)

Let's face it, I've been out of the bloggie game for awhile and recently I've found my interest in amateur point and shoot photography waning. I don't know if it's the onset of the thirties that brought about this ambivalence, perhaps as impending signs of existential crisis on the horizon. All I know is things that used to interest me aren't so interesting anymore and I've truly lost the zest in something. It's like burning your tongue and not being able to taste. There is no joy and no enjoyment.

Yet at the center of all this indifference there is a conflict I am trying to quell inside me. Like an inverted storm, calm on the outside, turmoil in the eye, I live my days like a mute zombie. I have words to say, too many words in fact, but I can't seem to put my thoughts in order. I can't decide what I want to say. I over analyze and then abandon my thought process in frustration. I am trying to figure out what I want, but it's too hard, or maybe too easy. I know what I want, but I am denying myself of it because I don't think I can have what I want. So I persuade myself that Plan B is better for me. I decide for myself that B is better than A without knowing if A was attainable or even what A really was.
I'm too proud.
I'm too scared.
I'm a proud coward.
I'm waiting for a sign.
I'm refusing to see the lack of signage.
I'm a blind man with X-ray vision.

And when I think of all this, I decide to distract myself with Facebook, TV, or something else less thought inducing. And so, I'm officially bored and expressionless.